bloggers block

Upon the passing of another person whom I've had the pleasure of sharing part of my life with, I feel the need to finally get out the things that have been pent up.

I have had bloggers block over the past little while. I have had SO many ideas, thoughts, dreams, and have needed to tell someone, anyone. But, to be honest, I kept THINKING about blogging, but I just couldn't sit down and do it. I would even log in to do it, think about it, and just end up logging back out again.

I live in a small town, and like most small towns, everybody knows everybody. I knew Jonathan, who sadly was taken from us on New Years Eve. One of the most definite celebrations of life, family, love, and making it through another 365 glorious days is the celebration of a new year. New Years eve was always one of my favorite times to go out and see everyone in my family, and to party with my friends. This year for some reason, I jumped in bed with some popcorn and a movie. I decided for the first time in ages to stay home for New Years. We woke up the next morning to news of Jonathan's passing.

I have never seen more people packed in a church as I had for Jon's funeral.

I also lost my grandmother in the last year. She taught me so much, and I feel truly blessed to have known her. Every time I am driving at night and I see the lights in peoples houses, I remember how much she loved that. She said it always felt so cozy thinking of people warm in their houses. I remember back when I first graduated from high school, she gave me a jewelery box for Christmas. It wasn't anything crazy, just a brown box that played music when you open it. I remember opening it, and literally starting to cry, right there in front of all my family while we were opening our gifts! Well, I felt the tears welling, and I went to the bathroom for a sec. It had a poem on it that totally made me lose it. That was the relationship I had with my grandmother. I know most people consider their "immediate" family their parents and their siblings only, but our immediate family was Mom, Dad, Steve, Me, and Nanny.

Not even a month ago, my friend Shawn passed away of Cancer. I'll admit, Shawny and I lost touch over the past 3 years or so, but I used to hang out with Melissa (his sis) and so ended up spending lots of time with Shawn partying. I was there when Melissa found out Shawn had cancer the first time. I have no doubt that he went in to remission because he was surrounded with so much love, and he had such determination.. It literally cured his cancer. Unfortunately it came back with a vengeance and within less than 2 months of finding out it was back, we lost him.

And now today, I find out that a dear friend I've known for years passed away in an accident. When I found out, I literally just chose not to believe it. I was like, "yeah, it's just a rumor. It couldn't possibly have been him."

Galen,
I just want to let you know that of all the people I have ever known, you had the most free spirit. You would try anything once because you loved to live. I am truly hurt that you are gone, and I will never forget the little parts of my story and my life that I had the pleasure of sharing with you. I just feel like you had more to do, more to learn, and more to share than you had the opportunity to do. You were taken too soon.


I feel like I have grown so much in the last year. I have learned so many little things I never knew about myself. I am learning about different things I never knew I loved to do, I didn't know how much I loved gardening. The joy I would get from watching flowers bloom and vegetables grow. I didn't realize how great of a mom I would be some day, or how much MY mom and dad did for me when I was little. I didn't realize that I can do or be anything I want with a little hard work.

I am starting to realize what I want for my life. I am realizing just how quickly the people you love can be taken from you. You become attached and then you realize they no longer exist, and it's as if you can literally feel them falling away, leaving just a little piece. It changes you.

Realize what you have, when you have it. Do it before it's too late. Life is truly a blessing, and if you are reading this, you are probably part of my life - which means you are a blessing, too.

<3